Rest used to be a reward. It was a goal, a place I worked to get to. If I could just get everything done before this self-imposed deadline THEN I could rest. Being a producer was my identity. I wore it like a crown. If you needed something to happen, I could make it happen. And even though I knew in my heart that all of the producing wasn’t healthy, I was afraid to stop. I was afraid to set boundaries. I was afraid to rest.
The only time I rested was when my body could do no more, when my mind was at its max capacity. So I automatically thought that rest was for those who couldn’t cut it, those who couldn’t spin all the plates and do all the things. Rest was a necessary evil. But that isn’t true. Rest isn’t a reward or a necessary evil. Rest is where my life begins. It’s how God designed me. It’s the blueprint He gave me in Genesis. Adam’s first day of life was the Sabbath. THEN he worked the garden. So the last few years of my life have been learning to work from a place of rest instead of working to rest. I’ve learned to say no sometimes. I’ve learned that productivity doesn’t equal relationship. And most of all I’ve learned that my identity isn’t tied up in what I do.
I rest in that.